Finding Resilience on Memorial Day
As we acknowledge Memorial Day, a solemn occasion to honor the brave men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice in service to our nation, I'm reminded of the incredible resilience it takes to face life's most difficult challenges. Whether enduring the unimaginable grief of losing a loved one in combat or carrying on through the physical and emotional wounds of war, our military families know resilience in a profound way.
A few months ago, my own family went through a loss that pushed my personal resilience to its limits. When we had to say goodbye to our beloved dog Mardie after 12 wonderful years together, the grief hit me harder than anything I had experienced before. Amid that deep sadness and pain, there were many moments when I struggled to truly show up as a parent for my young kids. Simply getting through each day felt overwhelming. How could I be the resilient mother they needed when I could barely hold it together?
But I knew in my heart that this was a time they needed me present more than ever. So, I made self-care a priority - leaning heavily on friends and family, restarting activities I loved like ice skating, and allowing myself quiet moments to fully feel and process the grief. When my parents offered to have us over for dinner, even though leaving the house felt hard, I would take the kids and let us soak up the love and support.
There was something both wonderful and painful about those still moments - wonderful because I could be vulnerable with my emotions, but painful because the loss would hit me with such intensity. I gave myself permission to cry in front of my children as we remembered Mardie together. Even now, they'll say something like "Remember when Mommy cried so much when Mardie died?" - not with judgment, but as if checking in, making sure I'm still healing.
What made this loss even more challenging was that my husband and I were grieving simultaneously, but in different ways according to our personalities. There were times when we struggled to be there for each other in the way we needed. But we persevered, and emerged from that darkness with a deeper appreciation for prioritizing our own needs and leaning on our support systems.
While the magnitude of my loss pales in comparison to the sacrifices made by our military heroes and their families, the coping mechanisms and well of resilience I drew from are universal. In facing any profound grief - whether it's losing a beloved pet, a parent, a child, a spouse who died defending our freedoms - we must give ourselves grace, feel our feelings fully, and surround ourselves with love and support when we need it most.
So as we pause to reflect on Memorial Day, I'm reminded that resilience takes many forms. For the military families honoring loved ones lost in combat, for the veterans carrying visible and invisible wounds of war, for anyone struggling through a season of profound difficulty - resilience is possible, but it requires vulnerability. It's about prioritizing self-care, leaning on your support systems, and having the courage to experience the full depth of your pain as part of the healing process.
To all the mamas and military families for whom this Memorial Day carries extra weight and rips open still-fresh wounds, I see you. Your resilience, though tested in unimaginable ways, is an inspiration. You've got this. One breath, one moment at a time, the capacity to move through this darkness and find joy again will come. And when you need extra support, I'll be here, holding space and honoring your journey every step of the way.
