The Pitfall of Polarized Thinking for Overwhelmed Moms
As a therapist specializing in helping anxious and overwhelmed moms, I see polarized thinking as one of the biggest pitfalls that keeps mothers stuck and struggling. The "all or nothing" mentality of polarized thinking creates a harsh inner critic of constant judgment - you're either the perfect mom or a total failure, with no room for nuance or balance.
All or Nothing
The "all or nothing" mentality of polarized thinking creates a harsh inner critic of constant judgment
This black and white thinking is a major source of mom shame and guilt. If you didn't have a perfectly clean house, healthy home-cooked meals, and enriching activities lined up for your kids, you berate yourself as a bad mother. There's no space for being human, cutting yourself some slack, or recognizing that you're doing the best you can while juggling a million things.
Polarized thinking also paralyzes you from taking action. If you can't do something 100% perfectly, you get stuck in analysis paralysis and end up doing nothing at all. The fear of not meeting an unrealistic ideal stops you from making any progress or change.
Finding the "Rainbow Zone"
The antidote to polarized thinking is recognizing that there is a wide range of possibilities between the two extremes of "all" and "nothing." As one of my clients wisely coined it, we need to find the "rainbow zone" of vibrant colors and shades in between the stark black and white.
Here are some tangible ways to overcome polarized thinking and embrace the rainbow:
1. Notice your absolutes. Become aware of your black and white thoughts by listening for absolute words like "always," "never," "perfect," "failure," etc. Catch yourself when you slip into this all-or-nothing mindset.
2. Use more nuanced language. Replace absolutes with more nuanced descriptors like "sometimes," "often," "decent," "pretty good," etc. This creates room for the full spectrum of possibilities.
3. Aim for "good enough." Let go of needing to be perfect or have everything totally figured out. Shooting for "good enough" as a mom reduces overwhelm and allows you to be human.
4. Celebrate small wins. Rather than dismissing anything short of perfection, acknowledge and validate the small steps, little victories, and simple joys along the way.
5. Give yourself credit. You're juggling far more than you realize. Pause and appreciate all that you do manage to accomplish while dealing with the intense demands of motherhood.
6. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion you'd give a dear friend. Your self-worth isn't contingent on checking off all the boxes or living up to an unrealistic ideal.
The rainbow zone is about finding balance, self-acceptance, and the nuanced reality that exists between the extremes. When you embrace the full spectrum of your experience as a mom - with all its shades of beauty, struggle, joy, and messiness - you'll feel less stuck and more able to move forward with self-compassion.
If you feel stuck and can’t figure out where on earth to find the “rainbow zone” get in touch with me today. I am here to help you get unstuck and seeing all the colors of your life again.
