Navigating the Anxieties of Parenting Teens and Tweens
Parenting teens and tweens comes with a unique set of challenges that can make even the calmest of us feel like we’re treading water. It’s a time of firsts and lasts—first crushes, first heartbreaks, first forays into independence, and maybe the last time they actually want to hang out with you willingly (at least for a while). Add in dating, social media, bullying, and concerns about physical safety, and it’s no wonder that anxiety can creep into the picture. And just as we’re worrying about them, they’re trying to separate and figure out who they are apart from us.
If this stage of parenting feels hard, that’s because it is. But you don’t have to navigate it alone or let anxiety call the shots. Let’s talk about some strategies to help you and your teen or tween thrive during this complicated, impressionable time.
When Our Kids Move Away, We Move In
One of the hardest parts of parenting during the teen and tween years is their need for independence. They’re figuring out their place in the world, and part of that involves pulling away from us. This is normal—and even healthy—but it can still feel like a punch to the gut. Our instinct might be to either clamp down or back off completely. Neither of those approaches works very well.
Instead, try moving in emotionally when they’re moving away physically. This doesn’t mean invading their privacy or hovering over their every decision. It means being present with curiosity and compassion. Show them you’re interested in their world, not to control it, but to understand it. Ask questions like, What do you like about that new app? Who’s the funniest person in your friend group? Simple, non-judgmental questions create connection without pressure.
Assume the Best Intentions Before Panicking
It’s so easy for our worries to spiral when it comes to our kids. We see one misstep or hear about one bad day, and suddenly we’re imagining worst-case scenarios. Before reacting, pause and ask yourself: What am I worried about, and is it really accurate or relevant to this situation? Sometimes our anxiety has more to do with our fears than their reality.
Assuming the best intentions doesn’t mean ignoring potential problems. It means choosing to approach concerns from a place of curiosity rather than fear. For example, if your teen’s grades are slipping, instead of jumping to conclusions, you might say, I’ve noticed you’ve been struggling with school lately. What’s going on? How can I support you?
Exploring Your Own Story
Parenting teens and tweens often stirs up memories of our own experiences at that age. These are incredibly impressionable years for both them and us. If you faced bullying, trauma, or made choices you now regret, those experiences can play out in how you parent—especially if they’re unresolved. You might find yourself overreacting to situations or projecting your fears onto your kids.
Take the time to reflect on your story. What’s coming up for you, and why? Are your worries rooted in your child’s behavior or in your own past? Working through your own “me issues”—whether through journaling, talking with a therapist, or simply being mindful—can help you approach your child with a clearer perspective.
Be Curious About Yourself and Your Kids
Curiosity is one of the best tools you can use as a parent. It keeps you open, engaged, and connected. When something triggers anxiety, get curious about it: Why does this bother me? What’s the story I’m telling myself? And when your child’s behavior leaves you baffled, get curious about them: What might they be feeling? What’s important to them right now?
Curiosity helps you see beyond the surface of your reactions and their actions. It shifts the focus from control to understanding, which is where real growth happens—for both of you.
Strategies for Managing Anxiety During These Years
Here are a few practical steps to navigate the anxieties of parenting teens and tweens:
Breathe Before Reacting: Take a few deep breaths when you’re feeling anxious or triggered. This simple pause can help you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.
Separate Your Fears From Their Reality: Ask yourself, Am I worried about what’s actually happening, or am I projecting my past or fears onto the situation? Ground yourself in what’s true right now.
Find Your Support System: Parenting teens and tweens isn’t something you have to do alone. Share your struggles with trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can offer perspective and encouragement.
Stay Present and Open: Resist the urge to fix everything for your child. Instead, focus on being a steady presence who listens, supports, and believes in their ability to figure things out.
Practice Self-Compassion: Parenting is hard. You’re going to make mistakes, and that’s okay. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to your best friend.
The Big Takeaway
Parenting teens and tweens is an emotional rollercoaster, but it’s also an opportunity for growth—for both you and your child. By moving in with curiosity and compassion, addressing your own anxieties, and staying connected to your child, you can navigate this season with grace. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. And when it feels overwhelming, take a deep breath, and remind yourself: you’ve got this.
