Finding Your True Self in the Chaos of Motherhood: Lessons from Inside Out 2
Since seeing Inside Out 2 a couple of weeks ago, I have been reflecting on all the feels it left me we - and not just because of the movie's colorful cast of characters!
As I reflect on how Riley navigated the rollercoaster of puberty, I can help but see parallels to our journey as mothers. Remember when we first held our babies, and suddenly it felt like Anxiety had taken the wheel of our emotional control center? Yeah, me too.
Here's the thing: that anxious voice that's been chattering away in your head? It's not the "new you." It's not some transformed "mother version" of yourself that you need to accept. It's just a part of you - a well-meaning, but sometimes overzealous part - trying its best to protect you and your little one at any cost.
In the movie, we see Anxiety (brilliantly voiced by Maya Hawke) burst onto the scene, attempting to shield Riley from every possible threat. Sound familiar? It's like when we find ourselves googling "Is it normal for a baby to sneeze 37 times in one day?" at 3 AM. Anxiety means well, but sometimes it needs to take a backseat.
Just like Riley, we're going through our own developmental stage. They call it matrescence - fancy word, right? It's this incredible, challenging, beautiful time where we're figuring out who we are as mothers while still holding onto who we've always been.
Remember Joy in the movie? How she helps Anxiety take a breather by focusing on what Riley can control? We need to channel that energy! It's about finding those moments where we can say, "Okay, Anxiety, I hear you, but right now, I'm going to focus on singing this lullaby/making this PB&J/having this coffee in peace."
Here's what I want you to remember: You are still you. That calm, grounded, confident self? She's still in there. Sometimes she might be hiding behind a mountain of diapers or a sea of unwashed bottles, but she's there.
So, how do we find her? Well, it's not about silencing Anxiety completely - after all, a little worry keeps us on our toes. It's about finding balance. It's about recognizing when those primal instincts to feed and protect are helpful, and when they're just noise.
Here's what helps me, and maybe it'll help you too:
1. Take a moment each day to check in with yourself. What do you value? What matters to you beyond being a mom? Hold onto that.
2. When Anxiety starts to take over, pause. Take a deep breath. Ask yourself, "Is this something I can control right now?"
3. Lean on your support system. Whether it's your partner, your mom friends, or a therapist (hi there!), don't go it alone.
4. Do something every day that reminds you of who you are outside of being a mom. Read a chapter of a book, listen to your favorite song, doodle - whatever makes you feel like you.
5. Be kind to yourself. Motherhood is messy, and none of us have it all figured out.
Remember, just like Riley in Inside Out 2, we're all on a journey of self-discovery. It's okay if Anxiety takes the wheel sometimes, but don't let it be the permanent driver. You've got this, mama. Your calm, confident self is still there, and she's cheering you on every step of the way.
And hey, if you need a little extra support in finding your way back to yourself, I'm here. Let's chat, laugh, maybe cry a little, and rediscover the amazing woman you've always been - now with an extra dose of mom superpowers.
Ellie Messinger-Adams MA, LPCC
ellie@ematherapy.com
